How to provide support to oncology patients?
- davorkust
- Oct 8
- 5 min read
Updated: Oct 11
Authors: Antonija Vrdoljak, Master of Psychology; Vanja Putarek, PhD, Master of Psychology
A cancer diagnosis is a major stressor for the person with the disease, as well as for those around them. Family members and friends must simultaneously deal with their own feelings of sadness, anger, or fear and try to provide appropriate support for the person experiencing symptoms and undergoing treatment. In addition to the emotional demands of caring for someone with the disease, loved ones often do not know how to proceed after the diagnosis – how to communicate with the person with the disease and what to do to help in the most appropriate way.
Support for the person with the disease can be emotional, focused on alleviating unpleasant feelings, talking, listening, and being compassionate, or instrumental, or practical, support, which can include, for example, cooking lunch, transporting them to therapy, or getting medication. Both types of support are important and greatly facilitate coping with the diagnosis. Research shows that people with cancer adapt more easily to the changes caused by cancer or treatment, have a more positive outlook on the outcome, and are more satisfied with their lives when they have emotional support from their environment. In order to provide adequate emotional support in the early stages of the fight against cancer, it is important to prepare for the first meeting with the patient. Strong and uncontrolled expression of one's own emotions in front of oncology patients can further increase their worries and cause feelings of guilt, which is why it is good to give yourself time to process the situation and calm down the initial intense reactions. It is also useful to research information about the disease in advance, in order to increase understanding of what the loved one is currently going through. In terms of practical advice, friends and family members who do not live with the patient should definitely announce their visit and give the patient the opportunity to refuse it, if they are not yet ready for it or if at some point they prefer their privacy.
Once the conversation about the disease begins, it is important to know what to say. Although people differ in the way they communicate (and their loved ones are the best judge of this), it is possible to give some general advice. It is important to allow the person with cancer to confide in us, but also not to pressure them if they do not want to. Each person is different and copes with difficult situations in their own way - we should let them decide when, how much and with whom to talk about cancer. During the conversation, it is recommended to avoid sentences such as "You will be fine", "Everything will be fine" or "I know exactly how you feel", because they minimize the importance of the difficult situation in which the person with the disease is and do not respect their struggle with the disease. On the other hand, we can sincerely say that we are sorry and let the patient know that they are important to us, that we are thinking of them and that we are there if they want to talk. It is not so important what is said, but it is important to show that we are present and ready to listen. However, let us not allow cancer to be the only topic of conversation, especially after the initial period of getting used to the diagnosis. We still have the same person, a friend or family member, with whom we can talk about various other things. We can remember some nice shared experiences, talk about everyday events, laugh and have fun, despite the illness. It is important not to see the sick person only as a diagnosis, but to be open and ready for more serious conversations if they need them at that moment. For example, if a person starts to cry, you should not stop them or try to cheer them up - it is important to let them know that this is a normal reaction to what is happening and that we are ready to be there for them even when they are at their most difficult. Emotional support is most effective when it is aligned with what the sick person needs, and it is perfectly fine to check their wishes from time to time.
Illnesses such as cancer can affect an individual's ability to perform daily tasks. Therapeutic procedures are often exhausting, and living with cancer also involves many obligations related to treatment. Therefore, instrumental support for patients is very important. As well as providing emotional support, it is important to check with the person with cancer how we can help them – if we just start doing tasks for them, they may start to feel less useful and capable. It is best to offer help in private and make sure that the person with cancer does not feel guilty about accepting it. It is also important to suggest the kind of help that we know we can provide, so that the person with cancer knows that they can really rely on us. Small things can make life much easier, such as going shopping for them, picking up their medication, helping with household chores or babysitting. Friends often decide to bring lunch so that the person with cancer does not have to cook – but it is important to check beforehand if there are any dietary restrictions.
Sometimes people hesitate to communicate with or visit cancer patients because it is difficult for them to see a person suffering, and the disease reminds us all of our vulnerability. However, by providing appropriate emotional and instrumental support, we show the patient that they are still accepted and loved, especially at the moments when closeness, care and empathy mean the most to them. Therefore, the person does not feel lonely and rejected, and thus there is a lower probability of psychological difficulties (e.g. depression), which negatively affect the fight against cancer.
Individuals closest to the patient sometimes also take on the role of caregivers – they continuously take care of the needs of the cancer patient, research the disease and treatment methods, accompany them during treatments and take on everyday tasks in order to relieve the patient as much as possible. However, it is very important that close people do not forget about their own needs. Caring for a family member or friend who is facing cancer often puts all other personal problems or desires on the back burner, but such behavior is exhausting and unsustainable in the long term. Therefore, it is especially important for caregivers to set aside some time in the day, even if it is short, to be dedicated to self-care, hobbies or relaxation. At the same time, they should not hesitate to seek help from others and leave some of their responsibilities to friends, family or the medical team. Furthermore, caregivers also need support, whether in the form of conversations with friends, support groups or psychological counseling. Focusing on oneself does not mean abandoning a loved one - if caregivers are exhausted, they will not be able to provide the best care for the patient, and the patient may then feel like a burden to their loved ones.
Cancer is a disease that affects the entire environment of the patient, changes the roles and relationships between the patient and those close to them and necessarily requires adjustments in everyday life. The most important thing we can do at that moment is to be present and open to the needs of the patient, but also to take care of our own emotional and physical health.
Sources:
4. https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/family-friends-caregivers/how-support-someone-with-cancer
Continue reading: Coping with the fear of chemotherapy
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